Ruff Crowd: Dumb Jokes and Wisdom for Dog Lovers: Issue #1

So I couldn't resist. My dumb humor took over. Everyone who knows me knows I think of my dog as more human-ish than he is sometimes. This includes involving him in discussions, letting him eat popcorn out of my mouth (okay, not such a human interaction and probably gross to most people), and including him in daily household activities –like enticing him with a dishtowel hoping he'll one day pick up cleaning the floor on his own.



And versus a very witty or logical sense of humor, mine is more a combination of slapstick and finding humor in blatant miscommunication. Here is a prime example. Don't worry, I'll still keep writing about employment issues, but I thought it would be fun to show my love for "Aminals". This is Wally, our Boston Terrier, at 3 months old. He was fully content to sit and have his picture taken while sitting in my husband's arms.

Job Update and Some Bold and Brazen Phone Interviewees

So I got a temporary gig as a recruiter again until July.  I now recruit for industrial positions and am learning a lot.  Most of my job is doing phone interviews and fixing resumes. Can't say I'm great at it yet--- quite a bit different from the accounting, finance and office positions I used to do.  Since I'm not technically permanently employed, I don't consider myself done with the job search and there is never a guarantee that temp work turns full-time which stinks.  In most cases, it doesn't, unless the company really does have the budget to bring on more staff.  Being employed, even temporarily is good for a few reasons:

1. I now have a semblance of a paycheck so we don't have to keep digging into savings for the time-being.
2. I have some new motivation to keep learning about finding full-time employment since my job isn't permanent.  It's typically easier to find a job if you have a job--- but not always.
3. Searching for jobs is draining the longer you do it.  So being employed makes me a lot more creative, confident and thoughtful in other areas of my life.  If only it would make me better about cleaning my kitchen!  Today I found a bowl of peas in my microwave that had been there for two days and smelled a bit like a puddle of unknown sludge at the dog park.
4. I'm getting natural ideas for this blog since I talk to job seekers all day. 
5. My puppy has a more involved mom who is happier at the end of the day now.

 Anyone else have any feedback on temp work as an option for employment?

Bold and Brazen Interviewees

Here are a few recent funny answers from a few people I interviewed.  Clearly, they aren't intimidated by an interview:

Me: Describe your ability to back up a tractor trailer.

Candidate: Miss Kaaren, I can bahck up that trailer past yo' couch, into yo' kitchen, around the island between the refr-i-dger-a-ter.  You betta' believe it!

What precision!  I have a great visual of his abilities.  I told him so and we both laughed.

Me: Describe your ability to work with grocery or perishables.

Candidate: Well, s&@*^ Miss Kaaren.  I can go into a grocery store and buy food to eat before it perishes!
Swearing is as natural to these kinds of phone interviews as pickles and peanut butter are to pregnant women, as common water is for fish, and as frequent as stretching the truth is to politicians.  :)

Oh, these ones were fun to interview.  I thanked them for making my day. I hope you found these as funny as I do.

Have you ever gotten an answer to a question you weren't expecting?  

A Day In the Life of an Unemployed Person

I found this online today and thought it was funny.  It reminds me of me at the height of my job searching, but add in a little stress and a pinch of getting up in the a.m., not p.m.  It's called "Ballad of  Unemployment".

"I'll Fax You an Email" and Other Last Words of Job Hunters

***Disclaimer- The information you will read was not written to offend.  I have made many of these mistakes in my earlier drafts of my own resume.  And despite a great resume, the job may not be meant to be anyway.  I am not undermining those who are making sincere efforts and are still unemployed.  These are just really funny.***


Having had a recruiting job where one of my main tasks was to screen resumes (and thousands of them), I've seen a bunch of awesome ones.  I've also seen a lot that seemed like someone spit and handed in the design it made thinking they could walk on and get paid without needing to interview.  Even better than that were the phone calls I took inbound and made outbound to people asking about jobs we were staffing for when they gave me something like this as an answer:


"I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone when you called, I was on the toilet and it was a bad situation."  YUCK!  HOWEVER, calls like this made what would have been a long day somewhat fun.


Resumes are funnier though because you can laugh out loud when you receive it and no one feels bad because the sender is far away.  Granted, resumes are hard to do.  That said, there are a lot of common sense mistakes that people make because they think the person reading it "won't care" - i.e. forgetting to run spell checker, not indenting one line when all the others are indented, misspelling your own name, using 9 different fonts.  Most of the time- wrong.


I decided to opt for sharing a few funny examples from resumes I've seen.  Resume Bloopers are common on the internet.  What I haven't seen are examples with explanations on why they are so funny!  Before I got laid off, I was on the receiving end of these funny resumes.

As a fun example, I have to share one of the funniest phone conversations I HAVE EVER had in my whole entire short life.  A candidate called me and said that she sent her documents that were required for a client so that they could consider her for a job- standard protocol really.  When I said I didn't receive them, she replied, "Do you want me to fax them to you?"  I replied, "Sure."

Here's how the rest of the conversation went:

Me: Give me a call when you send them.  We get lots of faxes.  If I know it's coming, I'll check the machine to make sure we have it here."

What she responded with was priceless.

Candidate: Oh, I fax mine on the computer.  I don't use paper.

Realizing now we were not speaking the same language, I double-checked with her.

Me: Oh, will you be faxing them to me with a fax machine or emailing on the computer?

Candidate: I'll fax them on my computer.

Me: So you're telling me you're going to email them to me on the computer, not fax them on a fax machine?

Candidate: Yeah, I'll email them on the computer.

Faxy Lady by Kaaren

This nice lady was applying to an office position.  Since she didn't know office terminology and was applying to an office position, she didn't seem like a strong candidate.  That nice lady never did send me her resume.  She must never have found the fax button on the computer. 

A few bloopers that I have seen on resumes that have made me giggle.  I used to keep a list (most of the wording is pretty close to the original).  The artwork is original in case if you're wondering if I contract that work out.  :)  

Trophy Wife Seeks Job 

• Under Experience-  "Trophy wife.  Wiping up poop, cleaning up messes and being gorgeous." - This resume went on and on.  It was also passed around the office.  Are you wondering if she got a job?  As far as I heard- yes.  It was pretty minimally paid, and the only reason she got considered is because we had to because she was referred.  This resume was legendary because it was so bad.  I wish I had saved a copy. It could have been published.   The flaw:  sharing too much information and trying to be funny even if you're referred.  Personally, it seemed like this lady didn't take the process seriously because she was referred- a job isn't always a guarantee.  As far as humor, you can be a little funny in the interview, but get through the door first.  I would have deleted this one had I been the one to get this resume first and read the first line. 

• under location: "The Moon" - kind of funny, but weird.

Moon Man

• In an email to a recruiter- "thx.  plz considr me 4 the job!" -  In my humble opinion, most jobs paying decent wages require basic reading and writing competency.  And this person may very well be able to spell every word, but chose not to!  I couldn't think of a funny picture for this one.  As I recall, the resume wasn't much better- poor formatting and lots of bad spelling, not relevant experience.  And I probably can't remember the resume because I deleted it after reading this little half-email and glancing at the resume. 

Needless to say, I still love looking at resumes.  Stay tuned for more bloopers.


Any experiences with resumes or funny emails even?  I'd love to hear them!

"Overqualified"- The Comic for Job Seekers.

**Disclaimer- Art is not a professional strength of mine.  If anyone has any tips or articles that I can use to learn on my own, let me know.

The comic above comes from a combination of actual experiences I've had in the post-interview period.  Many examples come from the answers of "Where do you see yourself" or "How much experience do you have in..."  Technicalities make anyone mad.  Being asked to work for free is just insulting...And needing to know where you'll be in 20-25 years?  Difficult and unlikely.

http://www.andertoons.com  - used with permission.

Just last week, I got an interview with the place I was volunteering because they found out that I had current teacher certification.  I love volunteering there because I worked with inner-city kids of all races and there weren't any school politics, mandates, testing, or anything of that source.  Just pure "kid" time.  The administrator called one day and said, "We loved you and I went to my boss and found out some bad news.  We had to re-evaluate our budget and we can't hire you.  We were wondering, however, if you would do the job for free."  I was so bummed, confused, bewildered.  I will, however, continue to volunteer there.  This seems to be my new reality: interviewing and then for some reason, the offer falls through or the position is no longer available due to "hiring budget".  This is about the third time I've had this happen.

While employer confidence in the economy may be the root of the problem, this type of problem can surface in a few ways.  The three situations I've been in are:

•  The company changes the description of the job after the interview.  The kicker I got once was something like: "We loved you, but we're looking for someone who'd like to be a lifer as more of an administrative assistant versus a coordinator, not someone who has dreams of promotion down the road."  I'm not sure I could have less honestly answered the question, "What professional area do you think you see yourself in eventually?"  (I am not knocking the profession of administrative assistant- it just isn't what I wanted either after I heard that.)
• The company or organization no longer has the budget to hire.  There are so many articles I have read on this and every time I share this with a friend, they aren't surprised.  Many departments are in a position to grow, but because of a loss or miscalculation end up combining the position with another that someone already has, or making a current employee do a "lateral shift", meaning someone works two jobs, essentially, or someone moves into that position-  a sort of anti-climactic promotion.
• The company or organization has hired a referral from an employee or manager.  From my personal experience, this is especially common in school districts, and since 30-60% of jobs are received through referrals (I've heard up to 72% but couldn't find it cited), it's not surprising.  An intern, student teacher or great sub gets a job.  And why not?  Someone already knows their work ethic and can attest to their skill.  A mentor teacher at my school mentioned that "you have to assume they already have someone in mind".  I've entered interviews knowing that I had to try harder to convince them that I was better than someone the hiring manager had in mind.  Sometimes, if it is someone who was referred, it's very likely you never had a chance AND that person may very well be completely unqualified.  Be assured that it's okay to feel jilted.  It'll motivate you in your next interview to convince the next manager they'd be making a mistake by missing out on you.  In any case, it was a great chance to discuss your strengths.  
• The hiring manager/team mentions a qualification that someone has that you didn't, however it wasn't in the description or mentioned as a necessity to do the job in the interview.  When I do get an interview and am rejected, most of the answers I get from rejections is that, "They're looking for someone with more experience." One manager mentioned  "The person they hired had more experience in sales." While very well "sales" could have been a preferred qualification, no questions that I recall related to sales and it wasn't in the description.  AND it's kind of hard to get experience if you can't get a job!  So while I can't completely judge the process, to me it seemed a little subjective.  But when you have a bazillion candidates, I guess you can be.  :) 

I'd have to say that through all of this hullabaloo, I've been able to take rejection gracefully, learn better from feedback and learn how to self-market.  When our economy grows in strength, this process will be a big fat piece of German Chocolate Cake.  

Any other personal stories about job rejection out there? 

ANYWAY... I hope you enjoyed it!

The Skills You Have, Not Those You Wish To Have

This clip is from the british hit t.v. show "I.T Crowd".  I.T. of course stands for "Information Technology" department.  My husband and I love "this bit o' brit 'yhumor".

What I found extremely funny is that Jen, one of the main characters, is completely honest about her lack of computer knowledge, but lies on her resume, and despite all that, still gets hired on as the I.T. department's "Relationship Manager".  Her bloopers from then on are hilarious.  Especially her misconceptions about Google and the Internet.

 The clip here is one of my favorites. While wishing that hires were always this easy for me, I believe it might be a good thing that they're not. Props to the HR department.

 Despite being passed over for many interviews, I'm glad I didn't get jobs that weren't a good fit for me, based on my background, experience or personality.  I've heard many unfortunate stories, even from hiring managers whom I worked with of job candidates who overestimated their skills on a computer program, or who shared the skills they "wish" they had, and after a week on the job, got canned or after checking references, were never hired.

I can't help but wonder, though, what would have happened or where I would have been hired, had someone been flexible with the job qualifications.  In this economy, it's all about what you have done OR who you know. In fact many get positions, 30 to 60% , through referrals.  No matter how hardworking you are, personally, I don't think you can go very far without basic qualifications for a job you seek and once you're on the job, someone is likely to find out you may have the drive, but you don't have the skill.

In any case, I have no regrets about my background in teaching and how I've shared my experiences.  The right job will come.  I can't help but wonder though what it would be like.

Just a Paycheck?

After moving with my husband after he got a job last summer and leaving a permanent full-time teaching position, I'm experiencing the harsher side of job searching- lowering my standards.  

It's kind of like really wanting a 

Homemade German Chocolate Cake (see my glue-stick in the background :))

 but settling for a 

doughnut.

 Still satisfies, but because you know what you're missing- it hurts a little.

In my case, because we needed money, I had to lower mine.  I couldn't find work I knew I was capable of doing and that would be a good fresh start for me.  I took it to get experience, at least break even on bills and learn more in the corporate environment.  I know that as a recruiter, new graduates wouldn't even listen to job opportunities at $9 an hour because they were "holding out for something better".  Sometimes, being employed is the best it could get.  

On this particular day, I had a reality check, myself.

Since last summer, I have been unemployed twice and took temp jobs when they came along.   My first one was as a contract recruiter for three months after being unemployed for almost 3 months- i.e. Temporary staffer recruiting at a temporary agency for temporary assignments.  After recruiting temp workers and being laid off because our main client wasn't hiring anymore (you can't hire for a company that doesn't have any jobs), I then found myself on the other side of the fence- the one looking for employment. 

Office Cubicles

More recently after a 10 week unemployment stint, I took a 3-4 week job on a project-based assignment stuffing envelopes with insurance policies and related documents.  Literally, it's all I do.  It’s better than sitting at home, and to my job-seeking advantage, it makes me definitely look employable.  

The coworker who trained me in came over to show me something and we quickly made some small talk.  She is such a kind woman and she really likes the general office setting.  She’s not seeking anything really stimulating and creative and as far as I can tell, besides biding time until she can collect Social Security, she doesn’t mind it.  She mentioned that if I wanted to, maybe I could get hired on at the same place as a Customer Service Agent.  She also mentioned that maybe I could do it until something better came along since she knows that, “A degree will get you places!”

Besides making me a deep thinker and a creative problem-solver, my degree hasn't done me much good yet except put me in debt and on the positive side, get me more interviews. 

And her most interesting comment yet was, “Well, a paycheck’s a paycheck." That got me to thinking, is a paycheck a paycheck?  Am I reduced to working a job with no future that doesn’t take into account my strengths at a company that specifically recruits people in “workhorse mentality” positions (task-complete, task-complete, task-complete, task- complete)?  Is this the new reality in corporate America?  As you can probably tell, I am very discouraged.  In my reality, this job market and even my first professional job has left me putting their dreams on hold for a better life, renting, paying off debt vs. saving for retirement, etc.

The only upside to this mind-numbing role is the fact that I can listen to headphones and doodle while I brainstorm children's book ideas and generate plot in my head until 5:00 for my other book.  It's definitely jump-starting my creative side!

So my question is, if you are offered a position that isn’t a good fit for you but it provides a paycheck, do you take it?  What about the possibility of it turning out as not a good fit down the road and then getting laid off or fired?  Or do you hold out for something better that is more fitting for your skill set and personality?