Friday, May 13, 2011

How to Make A Winning Resume: Resume Mistakes (Issue#2)

Another issue complete with excerpts of resumes I have received recently.  *Some entries have been slightly modified to protect the innocent but are as true to meaning and grammar as I have received them.  I enjoy reading resumes.  Even more than reading resumes, I enjoy fixing them because I'm sort of a grammar geek.  So in my decidedly undiagnosed ADHD brain of mine today while interviewing, filling jobs and looking at resumes, I brainstormed which resume bloopers to include in this post and what kinds of illustrations they warranted.  I had too many ideas so I pared it down to two.  This is a follow up to Resume Mistakes(Version 1).

In order to speed up getting an interview, consider the following:

  • Address your materials to the proper department. 
This is Kaaren's (remember the spelling of my name... you'll need to recall it later)....Start over:  This is Kaaren's interpretation of what a "Personal Department" could provide.  While a "Personnel Department" provides hiring, benefits, payroll and access to hiring managers, A personal department may be something like this:

 You may also be able to hire people: to make you a personal agenda to bring to a board meeting and even perhaps help you formulate a personal vendetta against an unsuspecting former coworker or "frenemy". 

(A few Facebook friends helped with the rest of these.)
An additional hired psychiatrist can help with your "personal-ity disorder" (Thanks, Michael).
In the Personal Department, you can also order:
A Personal Pan Pizza (Thanks, Trina)
And you can give your personal opinion freely, keep your personal property without the risk of someone violating it, etc.   
(Thanks to Becky, Leslee, David, Michael, Fran, my sister Jenna, Andrea and Amber for the help brainstorming)  

  • Another thing you can do to make your resume a winner?  Feign familiarity with recruiters by addressing them by a well-spelled first name and THEN bribe them with money to hire you.  

At first I thought it was a Nigerian Prince asking for money, however, I then saw that it was in response to an ad I posted.  I figured that Nigerian Princes probably get enough money from other people and don't offer to give it out freely since it takes so much time to wire it to them in Africa.  Also I figured that since he was offering to give me money and not take any from me that he was legitimate.  So then I deduced further that it truly was a legitimate job seeker with a really nice, though unknowingly unlawful, intentions.  :)

These tactics and others will surely give you the edge for a job you truly desire by making your resume "stand out" from the crowd.  Hope you have enjoyed my Resume Mistakes!  May the power of Spell Check be with you!  

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